My Immortal
by Tara Jazel
Summary: Set before the end of HBP, Minerva mourns over her companion's dead body. But Voldemort wants something and will use Dumbledore's corpse to get it. NEW CHAPTER THREE! UPDATED!
1. I'm so tired of being here

**"My Immortal"**

I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along

**Evanescence lyrics are now my inspiration. I hope you like this story; it's kind of strange and I just thought of it today :D**

-------------

Alastor and Lupin put Dumbledore's heavy and lifeless body in his bed. They were in his office and Albus' body was still warm, still felt alive. But it was not.

Both men turned to see the woman behind him, a tall lady with black hair, still wearing her torn and dirty clothes from the battle which had just taken place a few minutes ago in Hogwarts. A few gashes ran through her face.

"Do you need anything else, Headmistress?"

Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Moody for having said that word, that word that now seemed cold, unreal and bitter.

"Do not call me 'Headmistress' again, Alastor. Never do".

Lupin pinned his eyes on hers, looking her disappointed.

"You must accept what has just happened, Minerva" he said, sadly, "You must be strong and continue. You are not only Hogwarts' Headmistress, but also our leader. Dumbledore always said you would."

"No!" she shouted frantically, "I should be no Headmistress or leader of anything! He should be alive! It is so unfair! I… I…

Her voice trailed off. She could not continue. When Lupin approached her with the sole intention of comforting her, she stepped away.

"Out", she said, pointing the exit with a trembling finger, "It is an order, get out!"

"Minerva…"

"OUT!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, "If I am your _bloody _leader prove it and leave me alone. Leave alone so I can mourn the loss of a great man!"

Moody and Lupin looked very worried, but said nothing else and left her alone with the dead body. When no footsteps could be heard, she collapsed to her knees in front of him.

"Why, Albus?" she moaned, her voice growing hoarse, "Why even when you are dead I must keep pretending that I always lived just to be your right hand? Why weren't you brave enough to tell everyone who I really was?" she grabbed Albus by the collar of his robes and shook him uncontrollably, while she continued her lament, "You fool old man! I hate you for being dead, I… I'm so tired of being here…"

She let her hands slid off Dumbledore's neck and she fell to the floor on her back, on her bruised back, just part of her bruised body and her bruised soul. She could see the roof and could just think of watching the stars on the Astronomy Tower, just before coming back from Saint Mungo, that night when he had promised he would fight only to end Lord Voldemort's threat so he could rightfully marry her.

She could now see his charred hand hanging lifelessly from the bed and close her eyes again, imagining those nights where they had shared not only one bed, but their thoughts, bodies and souls. She could feel his hands running down her robes, undressing her. The touch on her bare skin always gave her goosebumps.

She fell asleep, dreaming of better times.

-----------

The Astronomy Tower was deserted that night and a tabby cat sat on the edge of the wall, looking down with its piercing eyes. It seemed to be looking at the stars, wondering.

"Standing so close to the edge is quite dangerous, even for a cat, my dear."

The cat turned its gaze and moved its tail merrily to the tall and blue-eyed man in front of her. In a second it transformed, with a loud pop, into a tall woman with black hair. She stood just where the cat had, in the edge of the wall. Her equilibrium was astonishing.

"The senses of a cat, of course", said Dumbledore smiling, "However, I do fear your recent attack left you a little…" he didn't dare to say 'weak'. It seemed a rude word to say to a woman so strong, so he extended his arm and offered her his palm, "Please, do come down."

She didn't take his hand. Instead, she transformed into a cat and jumped, landing gingerly on the floor. After directing him a smug smile, the cat disappeared with a pop and there stood Minerva McGonagall again.

"Good night, Albus", she said in a sharp tone, "What brings you here?"

Dumbledore did not seem surprised by the hardness impressed in her words.

"My bed is very cold tonight, dear", he answered, approaching her and then he spoke in a very soft and low voice, "I was under the impression you were coming to me this night."

He brushed his lips against her neck, but she stepped back.

"I did not feel like it", she said, curtly.

Dumbledore felt a sharp pain in his chest. He could not stand to hear the tone of her voice, the irony of her words, and the fury in her eyes. He knew why she was talking like that, but he preferred to ask her.

"Is there something wrong, Minerva?"

She surveyed him with her cat-like eyes and crossed her arms. Her expression now was neutral.

"Nothing you should be concerned about, Albus."

He risked another attempt to approach her, but saw rejection in her face and desisted.

"If it is related to you then is my concern, darling. Never doubt that."

"Then do tell me why you only visited me once at Saint Mungo after you returned to Hogwarts. Was it just to follow a code of behavior? Of course, the Headmaster should go and visit his Deputy."

Straight to the point was always her style. Professor Dumbledore sighed. He _knew_. Her coldness and bitter attitude was because of that event that had taken place just weeks ago. He had been wondering when she was going to ask for an explanation.

"I must confess then", he said calmly, "I visited you at day just to fulfill the code, of course."

She was infuriated. He admitted it! He dared to admit it so lightly! As if she had no feelings at all!

"How dare you? You have just said everything that was related to me concerned you! My illness can be understood as related to me, in case you don't know! You promised you would never hurt me, Albus! I have been hurt so badly before! You are just like _him_!"

He decided it had been enough so, without her approval, he embraced her very tightly, not allowing her to move. She kept fighting, shouting at him, until she fell silent.

"I visited you at day just once to fulfill a code", he repeated softly, "but at night I visited you to fulfill my duties as your companion."

Minerva raised her head, unbelievingly. Words failed her.

"What?" she stammered, "I never… How could…?"

"I just sat there by your side, holding your hand and sleeping at times."

The woman felt a knot in her throat. She had been so unfair to him and he was looking her as though nothing had happened, as though she had never compared him to a very dreadful wizard.

"How many nights were you there?"

"From the first night Poppy informed me where you had been taken to the last night, which was yesterday. I must say I liked those slippers the Healer gave you. Quite comfortable"

She was now speechless, completely speechless, a fact that had happened just twice in her entire life.

"Oh, Merlin…"

"You can call me 'Albus', dear. I don't mind", he said smiling.

She ignored the joke. Under any other circumstance it would have been fun, but not in that particular moment.

"Why did you not tell me before?" she asked, resentfully, "Why you never woke me up one of those nights?"

"Because if anyone overheard you talking to the air then you would never had gotten out of that place", he answered, "I was invisible the whole time, my dear. Besides, people would have suspected of something more than friendship I the Healers saw me each night with you."

She tried so hard to remember, to remember his hold, even if it was an invisible hold, an invisible skin holding her limp hand. His expression suddenly sulked.

"I should have married you years ago, Minerva. I should tell everyone who you really are. Tell them I love you… but I am afraid. I have been since Voldemort appeared as such… not even when he was gone I dared to let my guard down because I knew his followers were active. I am, to the eyes of the world, a lonely man. And I must continue to be so just to protect you. They could try to reach me if they knew I would kill myself before losing you" he rubbed his hand against her cheek, "I will never forgive myself if any harm befalls you on my account."

She didn't answer. She turned and fixed her eyes on the starry sky. Dark but bright, just like her eyes. Dumbledore caressed her hair and kissed the back of her head. She desired now that a falling star crossed the sky so she could ask a wish. She would wish just one thing: to see Voldemort dead, killed by herself if possible.

He was now also seeing the stars.

"I may not be able to promise you marriage now, my dear, but I can promise you this: I will fight just for you. When all this evil threat ends, I swear I'll marry you and then we will hide no more. My life will be openly devoted to you."

She hugged him very tightly and he kissed her forehead very tenderly, while his right hand was sliding through her hair, intertwining his fingers on her soft dark hair.

----------

She then heard a voice, a strange voice she did not remember having heard back then. It was harsh but distant.

"We could do it without this woman, master. Any other witch will be just fine."

"No, Snape", said a very cold voice, "This will be my last _tribute _to Dumbledore. It must be her."

The voices felt closer now. Minerva opened her eyes and thought they were deceiving her, because she could not longer see Dumbledore's arm hanging. There was nothing. She tried to feel her wand inside her robes, but there was nothing.

"Look, Snape", said the cold voice, "Our sleeping hostess has awakened."

She saw a swish of black robes move around the bed and then, horrified, saw Lord Voldemort standing before her.

"It's you!" she shouted, without getting up, "You foul stinking coward! You could not kill him by yourself so you sent your puppet here to do it! You deserve death and I will give it to you!"

She forgot she had just returned from the world of dreams and was still dizzy, she forgot she did not have a wand but only her hands and she bolted upright and launched herself to him, transforming into a cat and aiming her fierce claws to his neck. She missed the jugular, but she scratched his filthy face with her nails and he caught her in midair.

"You forgot that, as the new Headmistress, you should have renewed the protecting spells that encircled this school. Those were made by Dumbledore, and now that the caster is dead, the spells are worthless."

She hissed and tried to scratch his arms.

"Such a nice cat but such bad manners," he said to her, not minding the stream of blood that was cascading down his cheek. Maybe I will show you some."

He held her by the skin on her neck and looked menacingly at Snape.

"Do it, Severus," he instructed, "The _Cruciatus _curse. That will show her not to attack her guests… wanted or unwanted."

Snape obliged and pointed the cat with his wand. "_Crucio_!"

Pain, there was searing pain all over her feline form and all over her human mind. She screamed, even thought she did not know if it was a human cry or a cat screech. However, when the pain stopped, she was still looking directly at his scarlet and pitiless eyes. Still suspended in the air.

Voldemort did not let go of her.

"Now, force her to become a human again. I cannot possibly do what I want to if she is a cat."

"My Lord, I believe you could use another woman. There is no need of this one."

Voldemort took his own wand and pointed at the cat.

"If you are too scared to see me harming your dear old professor I will force to transform myself, you coward."

A flash of soft white blue light erupted form his wand as the cat fought to release itself. Soon, arms began to sprout where the paws had been and Voldemort threw the cat to the bed, waiting for the transformation to finish, while holding his wand tightly. Soon, Minerva was lying on the bed, crumpled because of the pain she had endured.

"You coward," she hissed faintly. "YOU RUDDY COWARD!"

He slapped her furiously across the face.

"You preferred to share the bed with that old and useless man after having been my woman?"

Only then was Minerva aware that Dumbledore's corpse was still lying on the bed, on her side. She had been unable to see his charred hand hanging because Voldemort had put his both hands over his chest and flowers in between, surely just to emulate he was already in a coffin. He had been gloating. Only when he was dead did he dare to gloat over him.

He looked just asleep. Just quiet and calm.

"I suppose that now that you look at his dead body you don't see much of a difference in the way he surely behaved with you in this room."

She spat on his face.

"Just to the record, _Tom_, I only knew what bliss meant until I shared this room with him."

She thought he was going to slap her again, but then she heard a hard thump and then an explosion. Voldemort looked confused and held his wand tightly again. Suddenly, Mad-Eye Moody, Lupin and Tonks were in the room, pointing at Snape and Voldemort, whose wand was now against Minerva's throat.

"Make a move and she dies," he hissed, looking them menacingly, "I don't reckon you want to see your _leader _killed, do you? Wands down!"

They did not obey. Surely they did not believe he would hurt her, so he decided to prove it. He pointed his wand at her with the Cruciatus Curse. She screamed, now with human voice, piercing the souls of her three saviors. Tonks could not resist it any longer and pointed her wand not at Voldemort but to Snape.

"_Expelliarmus_!" she shouted, and Snape, taken by surprise, was thrown to the nearest wall.

"_Avada kedavra_!" hissed Voldemort, but Minerva launched herself at him, knocking him to he floor and the Killing Curse went astray.

She picked up his wand and got up, trembling. Her hand was quite steady when she was pointing at Voldemort's throat.

"Not only the manners of a cat, but the skills… quite fetching," he said, hissing.

Snape got to his feet and pointed his wand at Minerva.

"_Sectumsempra!_" he cried.

Minerva let out a scream when a deep gash cut through her skin. She collapsed to the floor, covered in blood. Voldemort used the diversion and picked up his wand and took Albus's hand.

"I´ll be seeing you soon, my dear. I will take this as a memory of you, I hope you don't mind."

Minerva lost consciousness, but If she hadn't, she would have seen Snape and Voldemort disappear. They had taken Dumbledore's body with them.


	2. I'm bound by the life you left behind

**Chapter II**

**I'm bound by the life you left behind**

She could not open her eyes. She tried but she could not.

The air felt cold and numb, just like her body. She could hear voices now, indistinctly talking about matters that surely did not concern her. Nothing concerned her now; she cared about nothing, not even her own life.

Even though she desired not to hear anything, words began to be clearer every second.

"…she should already be awaken," said a worried voice in a hush, "I believe she does not want to wake. There are so many burdens on her back… She has concealed within herself, where no harm can reach her."

"Whatever it is, Poppy," said a growling voice she recognized as Moody's, "I believe we all agree that Minerva cannot possibly be left without protection."

"I highly doubt she will agree, Alastor," said Lupin softly, "Minerva is very proud and will never accept an auror by her side."

Suddenly, someone had burst into tears.

"Can't… can't you all see what's happening?" shouted the Medi-witch at the rest. Whoever they were, the new Headmistress could not care less. "She has closed herself within the boundaries of her mind! She does not want to live any more and you are all making plans!"

"_Have I really concealed within myself?"_ Minerva asked herself but her lips did not move. Nothing of her body really moved. Not that she cared, of course. While Poppy explained that, in spite of the fact that all of her organs were working perfectly to keep her alive, she refused to come back from that fake coma she had entered.

"She may even be hearing us now, comprehending every single word," continued Poppy. "She may not even care."

"Can't we…" started Tonks, but Poppy interrupted her.

"She won't wake up for us. No one among us is capable of bringing her back to life. There was only someone who could, but he is already dead."

"There must be someone," insisted Tonks, sadly. "Someone she loves… a mother, a father… siblings…"

Moody piped in.

"They are all dead," he said in a growl, "Killed by Voldemort himself, the three of them. She has no family, no one left in her world."

"If she wakes up, I reckon it will be just out of her desire for revenge. He has taken away so much from her; if she returns, it will be just because she wants to," said Poppy.

No one said much after that. Or perhaps she did not want to hear anymore and closed her hearing completely again. She felt safe now. So safe. Poppy was right; no harm could reach her now and her thoughts could be entirely with Albus, dwelling in their memories, some good… some bad.

She was walking now in her own mind, where each memory seemed like a window in an endless corridor, with images of each memory flashing quickly. She walked towards one of those windows and she entered a memory.

---------------

Sunlight was entering like a cascade to the shaggy room. A pair of dark eyes opened lazily.

It was so strange to see herself sleeping, as now Professor McGonagall did. The Minerva from her memory was forty years younger and homeless, having left her former companion and not being able to find a house so quickly, or perhaps she had not cared to do that.

She had leaded the squad to follow and hunt down Tom Riddle, the man who would become Lord Voldemort some years later, and his minions, the soon-to-be Dead Eaters. He had escaped a few days ago, for he knew she would never stop hunting him.

Now, with nothing to follow, Minerva was still renting a room in The Leaky Caldron, even though these were shaggy and unclean. However, she did not care now. A soft knock on her door made her jump on her bed.

"Who is it?" she asked cautiously, as though she was expecting a Dead Eater.

"It is Tom, ma'am, the tenant."

Minerva wrapped her clothes around her and got up. Last night she did not even changed into a proper nightgown; she had just arrived straight to bed. She opened the door, which squeaked loudly.

"Oh, this month's money… I am sorry, I completely forgot I should have paid you yesterday…" she said, and went straight to the small wardrobe on the wall. She opened it and extracted a small leather pouch, which carried several coins. "I am so ashamed…"

"Ma'am… there is no need to…"

"Here it is," she interrupted, opening the pouch. "How much do I owe you?"

"Save your money, Ma'am," he said, gently. "I cannot possibly charge the woman who was pursuing my brother's murderer."

Minerva lowered her head sadly.

"The persecution has ended," she said painfully. "Tom Riddle has fled from England and we were unable to catch him. I insisted we should follow him, but the Minister seemed to think that now he is the trouble of another country. I he ever comes back, he will pay for everything he did, mark my words."

Tom said nothing, but he showed her something he was carrying in his hand. It was a letter. Even though she had not looked at it for too long, she could know where it came from; the paper, the seal, the writing… it all screamed "Hogwarts".

"What is that, Tom?" she asked, pointing the letter.

Tom looked confused for a moment, and then he gaped at the letter.

"Oh, I am so sorry, Ma'am," he said, "This is for you. I have the feeling that your life is going to change now."

Minerva raised her eyebrows as she took the letter. Tom smiled and left her alone. She sat on her bed and opened the letter as quickly as she could.

_Dear Miss McGonagall:_

_I am pleased to inform you that, due to your excellent NEWT and OWL grades here at Hogwarts, you have been considered to fulfill the Transfiguration Teacher post._

_The unfortunate murder of Armando Dippet has left us all terribly empty, so I had to take his position as Headmaster. Therefore, my old post is available so I would like to have a meeting with you as soon as possible to settle the terms of your, or so I expect, new job._

_I do hope you don't consider this petition hurried, after all you have been through lately. But dear Professor McGonagall, we all need to continue and I do believe at Hogwarts you will find the peace you need and perhaps the moment to mourn for your lost family. _

_Sincerely,_

_Professor Albus Dumbledore_

_Headmaster _

She crumpled the later and threw it into the fire, furiously.

---------------

Minerva walked away of that memory and continued to walk in her own mind. Soon, she found another memory worth remembering.


	3. Your presence still lingers here

**CHAPTER III**

**Your presence still lingers here**

She entered the new memory slowly. When she was in, flashing images of that day passed beside her like a hurricane. She could see people, owls, stores, glasses, colors, hats… until they all settled in a sole image: Diagon Alley.

She saw her younger self carrying a heavy set of packages and bags, all of them almost clouding her vision. A new broomstick on a store caught her attention: the new Comet 100. She almost stopped and someone collapsed with her. All of her stuff went straight to the floor.

"Oh, I am so sorry," she said instantly, while she kneeled and started to pick up her things. "I… Professor Dumbledore!"

He also had kneeled to help her and now she was looking directly at his eyes, his brilliant blue eyes. His beard was auburn with white, and either was his hair. She could remember feeling back then her cheeks burning with shame. However, he had not noticed and picked up her stuff and gave it back to her when both were on their feet again.

"I did not see you, Professor, I am so ashamed…"

"You should be" he said, curtly, "For all I can remember, not answering someone's letter is considered a rude thing to do. The first three days I thought I had to blame the owl, but when the first week finished, I thought something had happened to you, so I came to look for you. Now that I see you are safe, must I assume you did not want to answer?"

She felt a hard lump in her throat. His blue eyes seemed to be scanning her and she did not liked to be looked at as if she was guilty of something.

"With all due respect, Professor, I believe your… proposal… was indeed a bit hurried… I have never considered _teaching, _I am an auror, not a teacher."

"Well, perhaps you should consider it. A job like yours is quite strong for someone who has lost so much. I invite you to be a member of my staff, to use your knowledge for a much nobler cause than revenge."

"Teaching is not higher than revenge, Dumbledore," she said sharply, her eyes wet, "If you had lost all your family you would know… Your mother, your father, your… your… your four-year-old sister! Then you would know! Leave me alone and don't come back talking nonsense to me!"

She threw all of her things to the floor and ran away. He could hear something crashing and then saw that ink was spilling out of one of the bag, staining everything: books, food, papers. He kneeled again and cleaned the spilled ink with a spell from his wand; having done so, he picked up everything and started walking again.

--------------

The images began flashing again and, without wanting so, she was pulled out from that memory and entered another one. One of the most pleasant memories she had. The first night she had spent at Hogwarts as a teacher.

-------------

It was September 1st. She could not believe she had, after all, accepted Dumbledore's offer to work at Hogwarts.

She was only able to believe it when she was in her quarters, ready to go to The Great Hall so she could have some dinner. She now remembered when Dumbledore had presented her to the students, who had greeted her applauding.

Halfway to the door, she heard a knock, and she immediately opened the door. There stood Dumbledore, smiling.

"Good night, Professor McGonagall," he said. Minerva thought that new title was quite strange but it sounded special when he said it, "I trust you will go to dinner. You do eat, don't you?"

Minerva smiled slightly. She still hadn't apologized to him for all she had said before. However, he had not said anything to her about her shameful behavior and seemed to simply have forgotten it.

"I was actually…"

"Excellent," he interrupted, and offered her his arm. "Would you do me the honor of letting me escort you to diner? I am afraid all these years away from Hogwarts had made you forget the way to The Great Hall."

"I have not forgotten anything, Professor," she said, taking his arm, "But it will be my honor to go with you."

Then they walked, the Headmaster and his teacher, his soon-to-be Deputy Headmistress, Head of Gryffindor, his most loyal friend and, of course, his only life companion.

That night they walked to The Great Hall the way they would be predestined to walk their entire lives; together, side by side, shoulder by shoulder and her arm wrapped around his.

-----------

She pulled herself out of that memory. It was bliss to remember but it was still so painful, so horrible to see him and to know she would never be with him again, with not even a body to cry for.

Minerva wondered then how Voldemort had known she and Albus had a relation. "There was no way," she muttered to herself. They had always been so discreet, so careful… How was it possible?

But it was, and Voldemort had stolen his body, the body of the man she had loved so much. She felt a sharp pain in her stomach. _His body had been stolen…_ and she was lying in a bed, like a coward, shutting herself away from the world.

"I will wake up," she thought, "Revenge is going to wake me up. I will recover his body, I will fight Voldemort and I will kill him. Albus, my father, my mother, my sister… I owe them."

Her eyes opened violently. She stood up on her bed immediately and heard someone screaming loudly.

"Dear Merlin!" cried the Medi-with, clutching her chest, "Headmistress!"


End file.
